Monday, July 18, 2016

MARGOT

In January I adopted a cat from Fort Collins Cat Rescue
Previously I had had a cat: Princess, a beautiful calico I had adopted from a friend. When Princess came to me, she waseight years old. She lived to be 13. I lost her to leukemia in 2010. Since then I had been caring for my sister's cat until I relocated from California to Colorado.
For a year and a  half I had thought about getting a new cat, but in January I took the plunge.
Fort Collins Cat Rescue said they had one calico, but she (Margot) was at a different location.
With the help of a friend, I went to the new location and met Margot, a two-year-old calico who had been found on the streets of Loveland. 
Margot is a loving feline. Over the last seven months I've found that she loves just about anyone she comes across. 
After a couple months, and a few escapes on her part, I relented and let Margot go outside at will. She always returned for food and water, so I didn't worry about her.
Then, about May, she didn't come home. She seemed to prefer being outside. I discovered that she wandered through my apartment complex. 
She sunned herself on different walkways. She napped on different stairways or door matts. But she didn't return home except for brief periods.
Yesterday I went to a common area near the mailboxes. I started talking to a couple neighbors: they both knew Margot, but had thought she was a stray. Margot appeared, and let all of us pet her, rub her tummy.
That was about 5:00 P.M.
About 7:30 I got a call from the CSU Vet School. Someone had found Margot and brought her to their Urgent Care. (I hadn't known she'd been chipped before I adopted her.)
I had to make a couple calls before I found a neighbor willing to take me to the vet school to get her.
I was told by the vet school staff that it is illegal for cats to be outdoors. 
What?
As I write, Margot is curled up on my futon. She slept with me today, purring all night.

Now, what do I do about her desire to be outside? It's bound to continue, at least until the first snowfall.

Friday, June 3, 2016

COLORADO TRAIL (PART 1)

WALKING DISTANCE


Is it a societal thing that people just don't want to walk? Or, possibly, we don't want to exert ourselves beyond an agreed upon minimum distance and effort?
Since I decided to prepare for a 567-mile hike next year, and I've started going out for walks, people I meet seem to shiver--even step away from me--when I tell them about my activity.
What is the acceptable distance for someone to walk? One-hundred feet? A block? A couple blocks? Perhaps a mile at the outside?
This morning I left my studio and started walking toward the south end of Fort Collins. Along the way, I decided to see about getting a pedometer, perhaps from REI. But when I arrived, the store wasn't yet open. I walked on over to Target,and found a simple gadget that will meet my needs for the next year.
I left Target--roughly about three miles from home, and started walking down South College Avenue, with the goal of walking to Loveland.
Five miles later, with sore feet, I stopped when I found a bus stop for a regional bus line. Just minutes later, I saw a police cruiser heading north. I saw it make a U-turn, and it pulled up to where I was now sitting.
"Are you okay?"
"Sure," I said.
"Someone saw you, and called it in," the officer passenger said.
"I know what I'm doing," I assured him. "I've done this walk before. Today though, I'm waiting for a bus, and it should be here momentarily."
"We're just checking on you," the officer said.
A  minute later, they were gone.
Two minutes after that, the bus, heading south to Loveland, arrived, and my day of exercise was officially over.
In the next 363 days, I'll work on increasing my endurance, my distance  walked, and start adding weight to my backpack.
It is my fate, it seems, to be an outlier, an exception to whatever rules I encounter. I don't have the time, or the intention, to participate in debates about what I should or shouldn't, can or can't, do

I have a journey to get ready for.

Friday, February 26, 2016

SILENCES




Night  has scrubbed clean
The street of light
And sound.
Gone, the sound of church bells,
The whoosh of passing cars,
The echoes of spectators
Watching children playing soccer,
Sprinklers spritzing on, then off,
The roar of lawn-mowers--
All gone under the persistent,
Downward pressure of dark matter.
Air--that combination of oxygen
And nitrogen--
Clear in the daylight,
Becomes impenetrable.
See nothing/
Hear everything--
The night is made for listening,
The receipt of words,
The interpretation of silences.
Life’s alternating current--
Day, with the eyes open,
Absorbing,
Translating,
And night, when sight gives way
To sound,
Gives way to touch,
Gives way to smells
Of lotions, perfumes,
These hours--
Sacred, extraordinary, time--
For extrications, contractions,
Retractions and consents,
Rebirth
Of skin and spirit,
Blood and belief--
All in this weightlessness

Of night's caress.

ON HER BLINDNESS






With the right side of the world
invisible, not darkness--
there is no darkness except
when I close my eyes each night,
Navigating through  each day
is sometimes hard work to do.
The left eye, ninety-five percent
disconnected, the nerve torn
I stride down sidewalks quicker
than "normal" people believe.
"You're not really blind, you know,"
is shouted from some passing car.
By now, I just laugh at them.
If they only knew my life
from all its vantagepoints.
I would trade this cane, truly,
for a driver's license.
I envy their freedom--
always have. But I can see
the world at  a slower speed
as long as I have sidewalks,
or bike lanes, wider shoulders
on the roads I travel.
In my two-dimentional
world, I talk to people
everyday, and everyday,
strangers can't help but marvel
at my refusal to yield.
Let's take away their car keys,
force them to walk to bus stops,
waiting in all kinds of weather
for buses that never come.
Let them board buses that stop
too far from the curb 
to manage without stepping
in snow, in puddles, in mud.
Let them try to figure out
how to get from 
point A
to point B
without having to ask for help.
The empty half of my life
has always existed.
Everyone, and everything,
has height and width, but no depth.
"Where is...?" is answered by
someone pointing their finger,
which, of course, I cannot follow.
It must be hard--to drive, to look
where one is going. to shop,
to work, to play, just to live,
with all one's faculties intact:
how do you manage so well?
How do you manage to ask
such stimulating questions?
without tripping on your tongue,
without your brain convulsing
from the effort of inquiry?

I would really like to know.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

OLD SNOW




Ten days old now,
the snow--what remains--
has lost its lightness,
has become hard, slick
dangerous, melting each day,
refreezing each night.
When it fell, I walked
from my studio
to take out my trash,
through fourteen inches
of wet and cold morning.
Now, when I go outside,
what remains is mostly on the grass,
at the edge of parking lots,
thinly spread on sidewalks
I have learned to carefully
navigate in boots--
not my tennis shoes.
Another week
of sunlight, and fifty degrees,
and maybe it will leave once
and for all, only to be replaced
by the next, inevitable, storm.
The groundhog didn't see his shadow,
so perhaps the snow won't fall
as late into this year
as it has in years past.



Copyright © 2016 by the author

Thursday, April 23, 2015

THE RESTLESS KIND (PART II)


The gypsy has settled down. After four bus trips to Colorado from Los Angeles, I signed a lease for a studio apartment in northern Colorado in July of 2014. Three weeks later, I shipped 18 FedEx boxes to Fort Collins, handed my house-key to my sister, and boarded Greyhound from San Diego--long story--and headed for my new home. Three transfers later (Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Salt Lake) I arrived. But because of a delay in Salt Lake, I arrived too late to get the key to my studio. I would spend that night at Motel 6. For the first time in two nights I slept in a real bed, happy to know I was coming home.

The next morning I grabbed my three pieces of luggage and made my way to the leasing office. I called for a taxi, but before they arrived, another motel guest offered me a ride. Together with her boyfriend, we made our way--about four miles, I think--to the apartment complex.

After signing the lease, I headed across the street. 

The studio is a ground-floor unit. My door is right under the stairs. Right outside the door were the boxes I had shipped, all intact, all undisturbed. When my new friends had left, I began moving the boxes inside.

When I had found the apartment the previous month, the tenant had still  been living here, so I couldn't get a tour. Instead, I was shown photos on the leasing agent's computer. I saw bookshelves, and lots of open space. I also saw the washer/dryer tucked away in the bathroom, and a brief glimpse of the kitchen area. Pictures, however, didn't do it justice. Empty of furniture, the studio seemed larger--emptier.

I had no furniture. I left behind a bed that i had bought 10 years before. Shipping that would have cost me more money than I had for this relocation, so I left it behind. I had posted an ad online, trying to sell it, but I had had no takers by the time I had left for San Diego for a family gathering prior to my departure.

Box by box, I found a place for my things. Sometimes the placement was temporary. I knew, once I was completely unpacked, I would find a more permanent location. 

The unpacking took the better part of a week. Books went onto  the bookshelves.  Clothes--once I located the hangers in the last box opened-found their home in the one closet.

Before leaving Los Angeles, I had ordered a futon to be delivered to my new address. It took nearly four weeks for it to arrive. In the interim, I slept on an air-mattress my sister had given to me. Each night I re-inflated it. Each morning, I moved it to a corner of the room and out of my way. 

Fort collins is a much smaller town than Los Angeles. For the next few weeks I walked everywhere. I explored different streets, neighborhoods, as I familiarized myself with the place I hoped to make my new home. 

It felt like I had brought Los Angeles weather with me. It was August when I arrived, and days found me navigating the city in 80- and 90-degree weather. Then, most days, thunderstorms would come in during the afternoons. I had experienced this in my previous trips, so I was prepared for the storms when they came each day. Usually I tried to be back home by the time the first raindrops fell, but not always.

Something that I hadn't noticed on my exploratory trips was the number of trains that pass through Fort Collins on a daily basis. For the first several weeks I would wake up in the middle of the night, roused by a train's whistle. I discovered that I had unknowingly settled halfway between two sets of railroad tracks. To the west were the Burlington Northern-Santa Fe tracks. To the east, Union Pacific. I still don't know which trains are the ones that wake me each morning to this day. Eventually--now eight months--the trains don't disturb my sleep so much, but they do mark the beginning and end of my days.

A couple of months after I had finally settled in, my sister called to ask me to return to Los Angeles at the end of the school year. She was planning to travel to Australia, and she wanted me to take care of her animals in her absence: two dogs, a cat, a rabbit, and two small frogs. So I'll be traveling again. This time, once she returns from her vacation, I'll be heading out on a new gypsy's trip. This time, the destination will be North dakota. I'll also make stops in Idaho and Montana while en route, and take three more states off the list of those I have yet to visit.

The trip to Los Angeles will be by air, but the rest of the trip will be via Greyhound again. It will involve two layovers on the first leg (Las Vegas and Salt Lake City again--and one layover between Butte Montana and Bismarck. (I'll stop briefly in Bozeman.) 

The trip home (God I love saying that about returning to Colorado--will involve two layovers, Minneapolis and Kansas City, before I'm back in Fort Collins. 

It looks as though this gypsy has finally found the place where she wants to settle down.

I'm sure there will be more traveling in my future. There are about 12 states I have yet to visit. Making those trips will be shorter--easier--starting from the middle of the country, rather from the west coast. Most of the states I have yet to see are either mid-Atlantic or northeastern states--with the exception of Florida, which I've somehow missed in all the family travels. 

Colorado, and the Rockies, will always be my home--that place I return to from wherever else I wander.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

TO THE MUSES






The night, half-spent,
leads to the day occupied with fatigue,
the need for caffeine constant,
the desire for sleep, persistent.
The pill that brings sleep
also erases the next day, 
soI don't reach for that square bottle
with its history and its promises.
Instead, I write, freeing
words to flood
onto the page,
the radio on low volume,
the sound of occasional traffic
passing outside my window.
two days away from possible
early snow. Perhaps then,
thinly blanketed, I'll
stumble over some rest.
For now, the muses tinker
with synapses, sending
words skittering
from fingers,
unafraid of the darkness,
unaware of the early hour.
They, the muses, must not know
what a clock is for, or how it works.
They have always taunted,
tempted, with words:
"Come on! Wake up! You have work to do."
I must not rest.
I have been chosen.
I am the annointed one,
the transcriber
through whom
tales will be told,
secrets divulged,
lessons--perhaps--
taught.


Copyright (c) 2014 by the author

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

THE RESTLESS KIND



I can feel a certain excitement in my veins as I contemplate the next trip.  This time, I will be better prepared.  I will bring my tennis shoes, because I will be doing lots of walking. I will bring my sweater, which I forgot the last time I headed for the Rockey Mountains.  I will bring the monocular that allows me to read street signs, because, in Fort Collins, the signs are either small, hang out over the intersections, or both.   I have 31 days to prepare for this trip, whereas the last time, which was truly an impulse journey (and the partial fulfillment of a lifelong dream) came together in just two.  

Where my last trip experience occurred on the hinge of spring and winter, this escape will take place after the official beginning of fall.  I know to expect he unexpected when it comes to weather.  Will I arrive in Indian summer, warm and beautiful, or will there be rainstorms that share the days?

I have been a restless traveler since I was a child.  On one family weekend, visiting friends in San Diego, I remember walking on a county road in a rural area, and getting perhaps a hundred feet ahead of my parents.  I loved climbing the hills, moving quickly, then taking my time as I descended. I never wanted it to stop.

I was seventeen when the gypsy bug truly bit me.  Sitting at home one afternoon, a friend of mine called me on my new phone.

"Ishmael and I are going to Las Vegas tonight.  Do you want to come?"

I talked to my parents.  They weren't sure they wanted their blind teenager to go running off to Vegas, but at least I wouldn't be alone.  My friends, Louis and Ishmael would be there.  Louis was eighteen, and his brother, sixteen.

Another concern was money. I had a bank account, and I had some money.  How much would I need?  How long would we be gone?  After a couple more quick phone calls, some negotiation between us would-be gypsies, we decided we would go for just the day.  That first trip would last about thirty hours.

Permission was granted.

Midnight found us at the Greyhound station, waiting excitedly for our bus to arrive.  I remember being surprised at how many people surrounded us.  Some were heading south toward Mexico.  Some were heading north to the central valley and beyond.  But there was also a core group of us waiting to head east.

We arrived in Las Vegas about time for breakfast. None of us were legally allowed into the casinos to play the slots, but sticking together, we managed to stay clear of casino security as we dropped nickels, quarters, dollars into various slot machines.

Ishmael, the youngest of the group, was the lucky one, hitting a four-hundred-dollar jackpot on a quarter slot before lunch.  Meanwhile, Louis and I kept playing, drinking all the free soda the casinos would provide us. We even had a couple alcoholic drinks during that day.

The bus that would take us home was scheduled for midnight. When we weren't gambling, we ventured out into the summer heat to explore the city on foot.  We managed to explore several casinos during our eighteen-hour foray into a life we weren't yet old enough to legally partake.

By eleven that night, exhausted, yet still running on the excitement of what we were doing, we made our way back to the bus station.  There would be about six hours to catch up on any sleep.  For the moment we just swapped stories of things that we had seen and done.

Arriving back in Los Angeles at dawn on Sunday morning, we boarded a metro bus and headed back home.

There would be two more trips to Vegas that year: one with the three of us, the last with just Louis and me.  By then, we had found the city enticing enough to get a hotel room where we could crash, thus extending the weekend from just a day-trip to a weekend.  On none of these trips did I ever come out ahead monetarily.  

Three Greyhound trips in the span of about four months, and the gypsy bug was definitely in me.  I began to dream about taking a longer trip, perhaps a cross-country trip.  I would stop in various places.  

As a kid, I had gone on several family vacations that involved long car trips.  My family had driven to Baja Mexico one year, and to Vancouver Canada another.  Another year, we drove around the country visiting aunts and uncles and cousins: Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, then Georgia.  From Georgia we visited more family in South Carolina, then drove through North Carolina, Kentucky and Tennessee.  Eventually, we reached Illinois, where the bulk of my maternal relatives were living at the time.  

Leaving Illinois, we moved through Wisconsin and Minnesota, visiting even more extended family, before  beginning the homeward leg.  South Dakota, Wyoming,  Utah, Nevada, and eventually we made our way back to Los Angeles.

Future family travels would be shorter, as my siblings and I grew older.  We went to New Mexico one year.  The next, we went to Colorado.  These trips were necessitated by the movement of my older siblings, and they opened my eyes to areas of the country I had not seen, or had passed through on the way to somewhere else.  

Fast forward now to 1989.  At twenty-six, working in my first job, earning my own money, I decided one Thursday afternoon that I wanted to go away for the weekend.  After a couple quick phone calls from my desk on my lunch break, I was ready.

I arrived at work that Friday morning with just a small backpack containing two days' worth of clothes.  When a coworker asked me about my plans for the weekend, I told her I was going to San Diego.

"So you have to go home and pack?"

"No."  I gestured at the backpack.  "I'm leaving straight from here.  I'm walking over to Union Station at four-fifteen."

She didn't believe me.  

At four-fifteen, we walked out of the court together.  She headed for the bus stop to go home, and I headed around the corner and on my two-block walk to catch a train.

I never quite bought into the American Dream.  Owning a home has never held any appeal for me.  Even after I married, and started a family, the idea of laying down roots was foreign to me.  I thought I would change if and when I found the place where I wanted to stay permanently.

Before we married, Chris and I had talked about relocating.  She didn't like (more truthfully, she hated) Los Angeles, and made me promise we would relocate as soon as a job could be found closer to northern California and her family.  That wouldn't happen for five years, and would involve an earthquake, stairs leading to the apartment being torn from the wall, and a fortuitous phone call.

I had let my boss know I was interested in transferring.  She must have said something to one of her colleagues, because two days after the ground had begun moving, I got a phone call.

"How would you  like to come to San Francisco?"

A month later, I walked into the San Francisco office.  I would be there for the next twelve years.

Where Chris never made a secret of her desire to put down roots, I've never hidden my gypsy impulses.  The competing dreams eventually led to separation.  Whatever our similarities, our shared faith, our love for our daughter, it wasn't enough to keep us bound.  Just short of eleven years, we separated.

One of my long-term dreams is to set foot on all seven continents.  For now though, I'll settle for exploring the continental United States, on bus when I can, on foot whenever possible, by train when I have the time, by plane when I don't

(To be continued)

Copyright (c) 2013 by the author.

HONEY




At roughly the same time each day
the barking begins, the call to play.
Anyone can answer, go outside,
grab a ball--any ball will do--
in Honey's mind.  There is only play.
Knowing to the inch how far to throw
the ball, how high to bounce against
the wall, the metal door of the garage,
off the dog-house, the picnic table.
I change the trajectory, forcing 
Honey to watch my hands. When the ball leaves
me behind, she jumps, she runs--sometimes she catches,
sometimes the orange and blue orb
eludes her, skitters into bushes,
drops magically into the water bowl.
(Two points, please!) 
We can do this for hours. Honey never tires,
it seems. Her focus, her enthusiasm
never flags. With ball in hand,
I have her full attention.
 If only she obeyed when no ball
was in sight. at least, for now,
she sits, she waits patiently,
trusting that I'll throw the ball.
Yellow whirlwind, tail wagging,
Honey throws her whole being
into whatever the game might be.
And when I lose track, Honey confidently
hunts under and around any obstacles
just to keep the game going.  She knows
my blindness.  when I bend,  hands on
knees, she knows to stop running in circles
and brings me the ball.
and I know, by the sound of her breathing,
the time she takes to retrieve the ball,
when her energy is almost spent.
I say,"I'm done." And Honey heads inside
without protest.  Maybe she thinks
later we can play some more.

Copyright (c) 2013 by the author

Monday, September 2, 2013

WATER FUTURES


WATER FUTURES



Day One

Water futures soaring
Overhead,
Denying baptism to thirsty,
Fire-prone land,
Tempting with humid, undrinkable
Air
As the currents carry the promise
Further east, perhaps to flush
Out the desert dust
And leave the citizens' tongues parched
Again. 
Wildfires rage, race through fuels
Created by prolonged water-denial.
Some wish,
Some pray,
Some dance
To satisfy a need
Overlooked in el nino's visitations. 
Pages turn, orbit continues, 
Rotation remains constant, 
All things in their time;
This includes elusive rain.
Meanwhile,
Manzanita and chaparral,
Wild grass, now bone-dry,
Vulnerable to careless people,
Carefree lightning.
And water futures I won't place
My money on are floating
Overhead, just out of reach.

Day Two

The clouds of offering are gone,
Sent onward, by the winds,
Heading in the wrong direction
In this poet's opinion,
To do any good. Perhaps
There is concurrent need
Not yet known,
The ounce of prevention
Against ten thousand gallons of 
Cure.
The skies, with small dots of
Clouds now let the heat
Escape in infrared waves
Heading upward and outward,
This dry, end of summer ritual
Just another of the dances
We, here on the surface, never
Truly comprehending,
Must powerlessly observe,
Ever hopeful, ever wishing,
For the chill wind.  Only then,
We wish back the warmth
Of summer fled.
Summer holds its place
Until its sands, too,
Have vanished from
The hourglass.
And still, we dream of
Water.
The firefighters wish for home,
Their  soft beds and
The beautiful riot
Of normal.

Copyright (c) 2013 by the author

Thursday, August 29, 2013

THE CAT


THE CAT


There are, I've found, two ways to center myself: put a baby in my arms, or a cat in my lap.  In the early years of dealing with depression, and before the self-injury began, I adopted a cat from another person in therapy.  I had mentioned to her that I wanted to do this, but wanted to wait until my daughter could participate. One day, after we were through with groups and individual therapies, she asked me if I would be interested in taking her cat, Princess.  It seems she and her husband had a dog, a boxer, who was tormenting the cat, and they wanted to find her a good home.

The night Michelle and Princess came, we talked awhile.  Michelle had come straight from the vet's office, updating Princess's shots.  
Princess must have known that she was going to a new home, and didn't like it much.  When freed from her carrier,she tore down my short hallway and into the bathroom.  Here, she climbed the shower curtain and brought it clattering down to the floor.  From there she headed for the only open door she could find, which led to my bedroom, and from there, into my closet.  We (Michelle and I) tried to talk her out.  I think we even tried to bribe her with food, but no deal.  Princess was in her safe place and wouldn't budge.
It took at least a week before I could coax her from her hiding place in the corner of the closet.  I would leave the apartment each day having set out her food and water, and by the time I returned later, from work or therapy, the food would be gone, and the water seriously depleted.
As treatments continued, I would return home and head straight for the closet.  I would kneel down and reach in to pet the scared cat, talk to her,and assure her no one would hurt her.  Eventually she ventured out while I was doing chores one afternoon without any cajoling from me.

A routine began to develop.  When I got home, I would grab my tape-player and a book, grab the cordless phone, a soda and a snack, then sit down on the couch.  Once I sat down, Princess claimed my lap, stretching out and treating me to prolonged purring.  Provided that I didn't have to move, I could count on at least 30 minutes of lap time, some times longer.  I would pet her as long as she permitted.  She would let me know, by repositioning, by a gentle nudge, or kneading of my leg, that I was to stop.
Five years ago, I had to put Princess down.  She had caught leukemia via a scratch from another animal at some time and had gotten progressively sicker until she barely moved.  
Now there is another cat.  In fact, at one time, there were three before Princess died. But now there is only one, and he, too, demands lap time.  We just had about 20 minutes of it, giving me time to think (or not) about other things Mostly, I just sat, one hand near his tummy, the other just beyond one paw.  When Olie, my sister's 12-year-old tabby, was done with this particular nap, he gracefully rose, then jumped from my lap to find another napping spot. 
And so, I can get on with my day.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

MY BIBLIOGRAPHY






A LIFETIME BIBLIOGRAPHY has its origins in my junior year of high school.  In the fall semester I enrolled in two English classes: American Literature (required) and Creative Writing.  I looked forward to the second as it was the first creative writing class I had taken thus far.  As for theAmerican Literature, I had no expectations.  It was, after all, required.  I had no way of knowing that the combination of these two  classes would put me on a path, setting off a lifelong obsession.
First period was American Literature.  (I remember this because of an event I reserve for another time.)  Mr. Rosemond was the teacher.  That first day, he passed out the syllabus, with a list of the books we would be reading for the semester.  There, I found Nathaniel Hawthorn, Mark Twain, William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway and F. Scot  Fitzgerald.  (There may have been more, but at this distance, I don't remember them all.  These were the authors we would be discussing over the next twenty weeks.
Next, Mr. Rosemond brought up the subject of the term paper.  We could, he informed us, choose to explore a literary theme, a specific book, or the collected works of an author.  He gave us a couple days to decide which track we would follow.  Of course, we would have to run it by him first, but then we were on our own.
Meanwhile, in Creative Writing, that first day, Mrs. Sternlicht went through much the same first day ritual.  She told us about the schedule--how frequently the stories would be due, the assorted in-class assignments, and her grading policy.
"I want to strongly suggest," she said at some point, "that you start keeping a record of the books that you read.  Reading different authors, getting exposure to different styles, different voices, is how you'll improve your own writing.  Furthermore," she added, "when you get to college, you'll be able to show your professors what you've already read."
The first generation of what became LIFETIME BIBLIOGRAPHY was maintained in braille on 8-1/2x11 paper and kept in a notebook.  I had already found a love of reading before the eleventh grade, so there were titles I could already enter into this logue.  Most were children's books, but not all.  I read, for the first time when I was twelve, Leo Tolstoy's ANNA KARENINA.  
Back in American Literature, I-proposed John Steinbeck's major works as my term project, and Mr. Rosemond agreed.
Over the next twenty weeks, reading and writing, I fell in love with John Steinbeck's books.  THE GRAPES OF WRATH, EAST OF EDEN, OF MICE AND MEN, IN DUBIOUS BATTLE, TORTILLA FLAT, CUP OF GOLD--I read them hungrily, along with the assigned readings already mentioned.  One by one, the bibliography grew.  By semester's end, the notebook where I kept the list of reading accomplishments was filling out quite nicely.  (Only later did I receive, and devour, WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT and THE RED PONY)  
Spring meant switching from reading literature to Expository Composition.  Here, too, there were authors and titles to add to the notebook: these, however, were mostly nonfiction: essay collections, books on grammar and other writing tools and guidelines. 
And then came summer--a time when I was free to read whatever I wanted without any input from teachers.
As mentioned before, the original bibliography was written down in braille.  I am legally (but not totally) blind. I was born with hydrocephalus.  This led to the loss of all vision in my right eye and minimal vision in my left.  I began reading braille when I was four.  When I entered kindergarten, teachers decided to teach me braille rather than print, presuming that my residual vision was too weak to allow me to read large print.  Just two years before the bibliography originated, I had begun to teach myself how to read print, and could slowly read typed letters.  That same year, a special education teacher had been surprised to learn that I couldn't even sign my name, and had set out on a mission to fix that.  She had my name engraved in pressed wood so that I could learn to trace the letters of my name.  To this day, my signature is hardly legible.
The years passed, and the bibliography kept growing.  Initially, in college, I was a business administration major, but I didn't want to add textbooks to the logue I was keeping, so most of the entries from that part of my life were fiction, read after homework was done, on breaks, over summer vacations.    
In the summer of 1982 I started a separate logue with the intent of seeing just how many books I read over the break.  The answer to that was twenty.   On that list were several titles by Danielle Steel and Robert Ludlum, but also included were a couple works of Shakespeare, as well as other plays. 
When I told the person I was dating at the time, the response was: "You could have spent more time with me."  
I just laughed.
Up to this point, all entries were written in braille. Between 1977 and 1984 I alternated between notebooks and index cards.  Notebooks were more portable.  Index cards were more flexible.  With each new author and/or title, I would have to find the corresponding page, rewrite it, inserting the newest achievement in its proper place.  On the other hand, index cards were much easier to change, were smaller, and sometimes got misplaced, or damaged.
After seventeen years of continuous schooling, I convinced the Department of Rehabilitation, as well as my parents, to permit me a one-semester sabbatical from college.  for the next nine months I read, and read, and red.  Seventy-six books (averaging two books per week) I returned to class, changed my major from business administration to English, and got on with my pursuit of a degree.
1985 was the year I took the technological leap.  I bought an Apple IIe and painstakingly created the first of what turned out to be many bibliography files.  While I could now more easily update author and title entries, I ran into repeated occasions where the file was accidentally deleted, or the computer would crash, leaving me to start almost from scratch. (I still had the boxes of index cards from which to resurrect the bibliography.  This was the cycle I would repeat over and over from 1985 until 1994.
In 1986, in another creative writing class (my first at college level) the professor passed out to us students a list of recommended reading.  It wasn't, he explained, something he expected us to complete by the end of the semester.  Instead, it was something we should work on for the rest of our lives.  Three pages in length, it was a list of authors, with some specific titles, that we might read.
  Some of the authors and titles were already familiar to me, but most of them were unknown.  I set out to read as many of them as I could.
Let me stop here for a minute to explain some rules I have imposed, and some personal foibles.  First, a foible: if an author fails to grab hold of my attention within the first thirty pages or so (side one of an audiocassette, say) then I hit the STOP button and send the book back to the lending library.  Life is too short to read something that bores me.  
The first rule I imposed on myself around this time (1986) was that I would not include textbooks in my bibliography.  By this time, nine years into the life of the project, textbooks would  have comprised a sizable portion of the space.  Only after I graduated, and realized that some of those textbooks were actually enjoyable and would have otherwise been included, did I bend the rule
The second rule I imposed was to add only entries where I had read the entire book.  Unless I had enjoyed the entire book, I didn't write it down.  This, too, got amended due to my love of poetry and short stories.  I may not enjoy every story or poem in a given collection, but I read the book otherwise in its entirety.
So far, my reading had taken place through the media of braille, cassettes, even the original version of talking books on vinyl records.  In college though, I got a job working in the university library.  During quiet periods, before and after my shifts, I browsed the stacks.  My vision is such that small books are easier to read to completion.  This led me to explore drama and poetry predominantly.  With a new book in hand, plucked from the PR or PS shelves, I would make my way back to the Fine Arts Desk and resume my post as student librarian.  If the book caught my attention, at shift's end I would make my way downstairs to the circulation desk and check it out.  If not, it went back on the shelf where it belonged.  
This random reading opened my eyes to writers I had never heard of, whose books weren't always available from the National Library Service.  Karen Lindsey, Robert Sherwood, Francesco Petraca are a few of the names I remember from this two year interval with whom I became familiar. 
Along with the RECOMMENDED READING  assigned by Professor Jim Krusoe, I started reading from the Washington Post Book World.  Not only did I write down the authors and titles of the books reviewed there, I also read books by the reviewers as well.  This turned a three-page list into something that grew explosively, opening my eyes to even more writers, styles, subject, and voices.
As an English major, I was simultaneously taking classes in American and British literature.  I remember taking British literature in reverse chronological order: first modern literature, then nineteenth-century, then eighteenth, and so on. Not only did this add to my bibliography, but it also helped me to see the impact of different traditions more clearly, changes in culture, evolution of themes and styles
On January 17, 1994, my faithful Apple IIe died a quick but painful death when the Northridge earthquake threw it from my desk to the floor with a Richter scale 6.8 shove.  For nine years the computer had been where I wrote my stories and maintained my reading histories.  Again, with the help of old fashioned index cards, I would have to reconstruct a computer record.  This time, it would be via a PC.
And so the cycle continues.  Nowadays I sometimes enter new authors and titles before I've completed a book, so excited am I to put down evidence of a new literary find.
As I write this, the bibliography or logue is approaching thirty-three years of existence, and is, in some way, an autobiography.  Perhaps I could have chosen to maintain this reading record in chronological, rather than alphabetical, order.  Then I would see the intellectual progression, mental and emotional development.   (One would notice when my daughter was born by the avalanche of children's books to be entered into the logue.  and the inclusion of psychology-related titles would announce my abortive attempt to pursue a naster's degree in psychology, a pursuit of an MFT license.  Later, it would show the addition of books on legal themes as I pursued, successfully, my paralegal certificate.) But that would most likely have led to something so unwieldy  that I'd have given up on it years ago..  Better, perhaps, that I followed this instinct.  Even alphabetically organized, it fills more pages than years of existence.  I manage to add roughly one page of authors and titles for each year of life.  That adds up to anywhere between thirty and sixty books per year..
Books have accompanied me on many a bus or train ride or airplane flight.  They have helped me pass time in countless waiting rooms over the last three decades..  
I wonder if Mrs. Sternlicht's suggestion lit a fire in other students.
Did they start a record of their reading?
Did they maintain it, or give up after college?
Am I the only one for whom it became an addiction, an automatic reaction to finding good books to read?
As it grows to its current length of thirty-eight pages, the bibliography demonstrates that I continue to be curious about many different things: psychology, law, history, drama, cultures worldwide.  
As long as I breathe, I will read.

Copyright (c) 2013 by the author